GLASGOW students are taking a stand against what’s been described as a drink spiking ‘epidemic’.
Thousands have joined the Girls Against Spiking group set up by Cara Teven, 23.
CREDIT – Alan Zycinski – Cara Teven founded Girls Against Spiking
It comes after a Sky News investigation found drink-spiking cases in the UK have more than doubled in the last three years.
Cara wants bars and clubs in the city to take measures and ensure young girls aren’t being drugged on nights out.
She said: “I think a lot of people don’t feel brave enough to speak out or they feel embarrassed like it’s their fault when that’s not the case.
“This page is about giving a voice to people who have been spiked.”
Drink spiking can cause a range of dangerous effects including memory loss, blacking out and hallucinations.
Cara intends to put her movement’s thoughts across to MSPs and has already managed to secure backing from several bars.
Strathclyde Union (SU) are introducing protective lids on all drinks to stop anything being put inside them.
SU bar worker Claire Binning said: “It’s more just about preventing any danger and reassuring people who are already maybe concerned about drink spiking.
“Because this is a massive epidemic right now.”
You can find out more information about The Girls Against Spiking page HERE.
THE family of a Scots soldier who was killed during World War One have discovered his long lost writings.
Rosemary Stewart, 71, discovered Hamish Mann’s poems while cleaning out her attic at her home in Edinburgh.
CREDIT: Alan Zycinski – Crowds fell silent to remember those like Hamish in Glasgow this morning
The Second Lieutenant detailed the horrors of battle shortly before passing away days from his 21st birthday.
His emotional accounts blasted the trench conditions at the front line of the British Army while also questioning the very purpose of war.
Now his great-niece has turned the memoirs into a novel in hope of ensuring his legacy is never forgotten.
WATCH OUR VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH ROSEMARY BELOW.
Nobody likes putting their hand in disgusting, murky sink water that resembles a swamp. Food can stick to the side of plates, pans and even mugs, resulting in an unpleasant experience for everyone involved. Touching wet food can often result in your whole body shriveling up with horror. Those flat mates who decide not to wash their dishes but instead to throw them in the sink are the worst people in the whole world. It’s not big, cool or clever
.
An unhappy Alan inspects the dishes
However I have mastered several techniques to help you have an enjoyable washing up experience.
NUMBER ONE
Use plastic cutlery. Not only will this take you back to your childhood memories of starting food fights high on sugar at a classmates birthday party whilst their deflated parents contemplated doing a runner, it also saves you from doing any washing whatsoever. You can get plastic versions of everything – plates, forks, spoons, knives and cups. Imagine you had a date round for dinner. You could tell her you don’t follow the mainstream crowd and impress her with your vast array of plastic crockery. If that isn’t what girls are into, then I don’t know what is.
WARNING: Sometimes plastic cutlery can snap and leave you with a sore cut. Make sure not to experiment how far you can bend a fork because I guarantee you will end up plastered in plastic shrapnel.
NUMBER TWO
Invest in a scrubber. Legend hath it that after Adam found apples in the garden of Eden, the second thing God gave unto him was a plastic scrubber. They are the stuff of dreams. They let you stay at arms length from any horrible floating gunge whilst also allowing you to give plates a firm and speedy clean. Plastic scrubbers are also good for antagonising folk by either rubbing their head with it or pretending it is a magic wand and casting curses on them.
Scruub a dub dub in the tub
NUMBER THREE
My final tip is to buy unnecessary amounts of washing up liquid. Smother your dishes in litres of green goo. You can ease your mind by hiding the disgusting dishes behind hundreds of fun bubbles. Who doesn’t like bubbles? No one, that’s who. Washing up liquid also smells quite pleasant and can often add a fruity aroma to the kitchen that normally stinks of out of date yogurt.
WARNING: Washing up liquid is extremely slippery. Whilst it may seem funny to lather the floor with it to trick others, it is you who will end up in A+E with a bruised head and missing eye.
So those are my tips on how to avoid cleaning or how to have fun cleaning. For additional fun, play loud music involving Dolly Parton or perhaps the Singing Kettle.
Ever been sat in your prison cell of room after a few beverages or alcopops the night before dreaming of a quick fix to the beating drums in your head? Perhaps you have dreamed of a McDonalds, a Pizza Hut or even of a KFC? A silly question really, who hasn’t? The way the questionable looking liquid passing as gravy slides down your throat is the stuff of dreams. However, sometimes the fast food outlet is just too far to get to. Whilst you may only live a ten minute walk from it, a raging hangover turns this into a grueling trek. It would damn near kill you trying to battle the elements, your stomach and the younger generation of Neds firing spitballs at your tiresome head.
EXAMPLE | What a ‘NED’ may look like
However, FEAR NOT, I have found the cure. The cure to restoring your brain, eyes and legs from the horrible feeling of regret and dehydration. I scoured the four corners of the planet to find it. I trekked the Andes, meditated with Monks in Tibet and fought the art of Jiu Jitsu in Japan to find the solution to mankind’s biggest problem – the hangover. I can now reveal that the cure lies in a unique combination of food and drink known as the Alan Hangover Fixer Elixer. (Certainly not ripped off from How I Met Your Mother)
All the ingredients can be found in the mysterious land known as Tesco.
The first thing to prepare is four hot and spicy southern fried chicken steaks. These will replace the horrid taste of beer and vodka in your mouth with chicken and pepper, whilst the unbelievable heat may singe off any taste buds anyway – a win/win.
Hold your steaks aloft with pride
The next item is of course chips. HOWEVER they must be the thin and crispy ones. This allows many to be consumed at one time. You must also have plentiful amounts of salt to fulfill your craving for McDonalds-like chips.
Lucozade Caribbean Crush is the next item on the list. The outrageous amount of sugar inside each bottle may be enough to kill a small mammal or send an over active child into destroying a small house but on this occasion it is just what is needed to revive your reactions, reflexes and sarcastic responses.
Me before the sugar content turned me into the Hulk
The final ingredient is the most important of all. Its name is hope. You won’t find it on the shelves, you’ll find it in there – your heart, and I think that’s a tune we can all dance to.
Just joking, it is a Cadburys Boost Bar. The chocolate and double caramel like layers form to become a chocolatey gunge you can smear your face in. They are the perfect dessert to indulge in.
After eating this meal, you will feel bloated but content. The agony all over your body will be replaced with a new feeling. A feeling that everything is going to be okay. (Unless you cook the chicken incorrectly in which case it may be poisoning)
Use this cure wisely. Pass it down the generations and let it be known that Alans Hangover Fixer Elixer was the greatest idea of all time.
Perhaps the best lunch I have discovered from my time as a student in Glasgow costs only three shiny pound coins. It is comprised of the three vital components of any lunch time meal – The main item, the snack and the drink. It is, of course, the Sainsbury’s meal deal.
I can never be bothered to have breakfast. There, I’ve said it. I’m one of those guys. People who say breakfast is the most important meal of the day are liars and quiet honestly spouting blasphemy out of their mouths. Breakfast is only good if it is a large fry up after causing unbelievable scenes in town the night before. Apart from that it is too much effort to go for when you are rushing to get out of your burrito of a warm bed.
Homer Simpson representing us all
Thus being said, the lack of breakfast leaves one feeling rather hungry by the time the clock strikes noon. This is where the Sainsbury’s meal deal comes into play. It is the perfect balance between not to light a meal that it becomes a snack but it is also certainly not too filling. For example, I often see lunatics – who I can only imagine live life on the edge and have little respect for the dangers of society – eating full meals such as an entire roast beef dinner. These people are ruining dinner for themselves and be it on their heads when their mother is left fizzing when her specialty pasta bake is left untouched come 6 PM.
The Sainsburys meal deal fills you just enough. If Goldilocks stopped terrorising the lives of woodland bears and wanted to pick a lunchtime supermarket snack, she need look no further. For three smackeroos, you get a sandwich/baguette, drink and crisps/fruit/snack. Needless to say I pick the crisps over the fruit, often chuckling to myself as I see fools risking the watermelon box. A healthy snack I’m sure but that will definitely be leaking all over your bag and caking your papers, laptop and dignity in sticky juice.
The Meal Deal
My classic choice is the ham and cheese sandwich, Walkers salt and vinegar crisps and a bottle of vanilla flavoured Coke. “VANILLA COKE?! WHO IS THIS BADMAN?!” I hear someone cry in aghast. I rate it. Maybe I’m just an adventurous kind of guy, a ‘bad-ass’ if you will. The sandwich is just what I’m after. Two very heavily filled pieces of bread with no additional gherkins or other tomfoolery going on. It’s exactly what I’m after. The salt and vinegar crisps go down a treat as they aren’t too salty or too vinegary unlike some kinds that leave you gasping for air. The Coke is the perfect pallet cleanser.
However there are many options available in the meal deal. Thousands of different lunch time combinations await you. Go and buy yourself one and experience for yourself the wonders of the perfect minimal effort lunch.
The way the melted cheddar caresses the crispy bread, stapled with the lines of the hot furnace that gave birth to it, seems to take hold of me. The luscious ham playfully dances across the breadth of this golden delight. The flavours explode like fireworks in my mouth, sending colourful bangs of joy all over my body. I am happy. I am alive.
That’s how it feels to sample a cheese and ham toastie from the Glasgow Caledonian University anyway, for only £2.50.
For last nights student friendly/easytocook/subpar meal, I made a macaroni cheese.
The first part of the meal involves pasta. Whilst in the past(a) this ingredient has scared me as I failed miserably to cook it, I am no longer a novice and look down with a scornful glance on those who haven’t mastered preparing it. I cooked my pasta in boiling water until it was soft enough that you don’t break your teeth but not too soft that it evaporates.
As the pasta was cooking, I had to prepare my cheese sauce. First of all I had to grate up my cheese. I know this is not what most people do but the value cheese i purchased was so tough that it needed to be broken down considerably before reaching the frying pan. I smeared a tiny amount of butter round the pan so the sauce didn’t glue itself to the rim and then poured in my milk, flour and cheese before stirring on a low heat. I note many recipe books use terms such as beat and even infuse, but a good ole stir does the job here.
Whilst keeping a watchful eye on my simmering pasta, I continued to add bits of flour until the sauce was thick enough. Stirring the flour in slowly instead of pouring loads in at once is a wise choice. I must issue a RED WARNING here – Do not add too much flour or it will become lumpy and quite frankly worse than sipping on curdled milk. Sieving the flour before hand is a good idea, as is constant stirring.
If you end up with the correct milk:flour:cheese ratio you should end up with a lovely cheese sauce. I did not the first two times I attempted to make it but you know what they say, if at first you don’t succeed – lose the will to live and phone your parents for help.
HAKUNA MATATA – Me presenting my macaroni cheese to the world
Then I drained my pasta, poured the sauce into the pasta pan, stirred it all about on the hob for a couple of minutes before putting it onto a plate. For extra niceness, you can add bits of crisps and ham into the pan.
I was quite impressed with myself for this meal. The amount of resilience, hard work, grit, determination and belief needed to multi-task and create an edible dish was commendable on my part.
How I felt after tasting my delicious meal – The Wolf of Cheap Street
As per usual, this meal was very quick, cheap and easy. It is very hard to set any fires or harm yourself preparing this meal so I’d give it a strong 8/10. The pasta can be bought cheaply for about £1, a small block of cheese is £2 and milk can be as cheap a 50p
Today I traveled to Mumbai. I danced Bollywood in the streets that are tapered with ancient history. I gazed upon the magnificent Taj Mahal as lions roared on the mountain tops. I was at one with nature in the most spiritual country on planet Earth
At least that’s what it felt like as the Sainsburys curry I made transported my taste buds to the other side of the world.
Keep Korma and Curry On
For this meal, I remembered to take my frozen chicken out of the freezer 8 hours earlier. I started by placing the chicken – which feels horrible to touch, almost like a balloon filled with custard – onto a red chopping board. I believe this was the board for raw meat and I didn’t want to turn the flat into a toxic wasteland.
I diced the chicken with a large knife, leaving it in about twenty or so oddly shaped pieces. I then lined a frying pan with a small amount of oil before throwing the chicken in. It is important not to pour too much oil in or indeed cook in your underwear as you will be splattered by what feels like hot lava jumping out of the pan.
I then placed the pan onto the hob and let it sizzle. I gave the chicken an occasional stir and flip as I pretended I knew how to cook meat. The chicken initially looks pinkish but after about 5 minutes it starts to turn to white. It is important to check occasionally how well it is cooking on the inside, or you will end up with Salmonella poisoning (I have left the NHS link at the bottom of the page in case you make a rookie error).
On reflection, it may have been 17 pieces
After a while, the chicken will be harder and have the familiar golden hue we have all come to relish. This is where the Sainsburys magic comes into play. I easily removed the lid of the jar with my Hercules like strength and stirred in the Korma contents with my chicken. After about five minutes on a lower heat, the curry was ready to serve.
Luckily, during my cooking, I had another spectacular thought straight out the top drawer. Literally. I took my pre-packed garlic and corriander naan bread out of the top cabinet and put it in the oven.
Naan in the ovenA rogue Alan samples his bread
The result of this hard work and graft is a curry. It may not be the most complex meal in the world to make but if you are a student like me, trapped in the micro-meal zone, then it is something to be proud of. The whole process takes about twenty minutes and genuinely leaves you with a full belly. It is also very affordable, coming to about £6 for the chicken, sauce and naan bread.
Baby steps are key in order to create your own exotic pallets and I feel cooking a real meal was certainly a leap of faith. ALAN TIP | There is no need to try and appear fancy and cook something that requires maximum effort for minimal quantity – instead follow my ways and buy good food that requires little cooking time.
If you have any suggestions about what meal i should make next, praise for my step into the world of raw meat or just any general heckles – feel free to post in the comment section.
I set out to make a wonderful chicken curry, complimented with egg fried rice and toasted naan bread. However, disaster struck. Continue reading Spoons
To understand my cooking ability you must hear the story of my first day in student halls.
I have never had much success in the kitchen. When I was just a small wean (I was 16) I tried to microwave Giant Buttons in hope that they would turn into a wonderful chocolate paste. Of course I didn’t realise that melting chocolate is a fine art involving oil, a frying pan, lots of stirring and the hob. The result was a smokey microwave fire that stank out the kitchen and left me spraying toxic amounts of air freshener in the hope that my mum wouldn’t realise her son was a lost cause.
A nuclear explosion similar to the nick of my microwave
Anyway, my first day at uni. My loving family had helped me move into my student accommodation – which half resembles a lovely retirement home and half resembles a jail – and left me to fend for myself. For my first dinner, I went for pasta.
My eerie looking halls
My new hob was electric and I wasn’t sure what section I had turned on so (AS YOU DO) I lightly touched each of them to see what one was hot. My finger was lost to the fiery hell of the electric hob. However, I pressed on like a trooper and poured my dried pasta into a pot, filled it with boiling kettle water and put it onto the heat. That’s when I realised I had no idea what I was doing.
My flight or fight system kicked in and I took to the group chat. Bare in mind I hadn’t actually met any of the people in the chat yet so I can only imagine their horror that a clown like me was on the same course as them.
The red marks will have to be left to imagination
I think a lack of common sense and an even bigger lack of the raw materials needed to prepare my (what would’ve been a gourmet) dish was my downfall.
The meal resembled baby food and left a lot of room for improvement. This is why I’ve started this blog, where every week I shall be reviewing my attempts at cooking dinner. I expect injury, flames, poisoning and a lot of microwavable pizza.
Alan Digest 